Save the pictures

As you go through life you take pictures of birthdays, special occasions, hollidays ect.. Pictures always represent a memory you don't want to forget. Overtime your collection builds and as you age they become a slideshow of your life journeys. You remember the laughs, the adventures, the love that shows in each photo. One thing i love about pictures is that they fail to represent the fight you might have gotten in right before you needed to "pose" or the cake you spilled all over your new shirt. Pictures tend to only show the good times and forget the bad.. I've been missing my family a lot in these past few days and as i have been looking through old photos they make me smile. I remember all the good times i've had in the past few years, and all the adventures i have gone through.
 I've moved across the country, fallen in love, experienced new cultures, traveled, and started a new career path..  they never show me being homesick, confused what to do or experiencing heartbreak. Although photos can only show one side of the story they put things is a good light and i like it that way. i wish that my mind could be more the a photobook; forget the bad and remember all the good times.
 As i remember my grandpa's passing a year ago i look through pictures of his life and he was so happy even till the last days. I saw him and my grandma's life together. I shows the excitment of having children, the adventure, the good times. Life goes by in a flash, young lives turn to old in just a flash. The pictures left out his pain from the cancer, the hard days and his struggles but i realized they showed what was important. He loved us so much and it showed, he was a great man, father, grandpa and i can keep those pictures and remember him whenever i want. I continue to take pictures becasue they are such a good reminder for me when things get tough that even in hard times there is still something to smile about..

Give me Faith

Recently I heard the song give me faith by elevation worship. It is a good song, in fact I can’t stop singing the lyrics in my head. I feel like my prayer is for God to soften my heart and take away the pain in my life. I have never felt more emotion coming out, and a feeling of desperately wanting God to just take away the deep piece of my soul that feels missing. I want to act on my own, and try to figure things out but God keeps tugging at my heart to go against what I want and embrace him. My choices have broken me down to the point of surrender, and no matter what im not going back to the old me. I want to trust that “God is good and his love is great.” Im so weak, my flesh wants instant comfort and help in time of sadness but God will never leave me even when I want to tell him MY plan is better. The brokenness of my heart comes flows out as tears, I want god to use this brokenness to show me more wisdom and closeness with him than ever before. I don’t understand why good people have to be hurt but I do know that my heart is forever different and without being stripped of everything I thought I needed I don’t think I would feel like this. Day by day im being humbled in knowing that I cant find my comfort in anybody except him. I am experiencing something I never have before which is true human loneliness. Seeing all my bestfriends get married and start a life with their husbands I so deeply wanted that myself. I tried to force my way without ever turning to God and asking what he thought. I need to realize that the dream of being married is a good one but only in God’s timing. For now I need to be the bride of Christ, pure and holy until I find the amazing man he intended. Not having that in anyone except God is the most challenging experience but I truly believe knowing that God is all you need will be a blessing in the end. I hope and pray with all my heart that I can become a women god is proud of. My flesh gets jealous, wants to control a situation and is impatient but that’s why when I am weak he is strong. When I cry he is there for me, when I am going through a hard time he will never run out on me. These reminders are what bring me back to repentance for all the times I have turned my back on him and lived my own way and I realize how much I want to honor and worship him with my life. I want him to give me the faith necessary for me to walk through the days that feel too hard to make it, I want him to give me perspective and wisdom that he will lead me out of the fire and show me the goodness that he promises. I was once told that I shouldn’t believe in fairy tales, but I do believe that God gives us the gift of the ultimate fairy tale “knight in shining armor” story! He saved us from a life of misery and brought us into freedom and eternal life! This is why I want to be forever different. It’s because of his grace and perfect mercy.

Never Say Never

I have realized through life nothing is certain. Happy moments wont always stay joyous and thankfully sadness also passes. Life is full of times that make you wonder how you are going to go on, where to go, and if you will ever see yourself smile again. Thankfully God knows what is going to happen and is there in our despair, taking these times to change, and enrich our lives if we let him. It's hard when things seem too hard but if not, healing cant begin. You can never say you will never find joy again or love someone with everything you have. It happens without you knowing it and soon enough you are in a new season of your life. In pain is the time where i write the best, its the time where i have the most clear thoughts of reflection. I think God uses pain for our good. If we were always happy it would be too easy to forget our need for his grace. When we go through something seemingly unbearable is when we realize how weak we are without him. I dont wish pain on anyone but i do wish encounters with Jesus on everyone. His love has shown me that no matter when the outcome of our current situation you can never say never. He knows the desires of our heart and works all things together for our good. Stepping out in faith is hard. It goes against our comfort, desires, and our heart often tells us not to.But when we do, he might just restore something thats been broken, help you pick the pieces up and put it back together into something more beautiful than before. If we trust he will always give us just enough stregth to stand what we are facing.

A little insight on relationships

Men and Women are different people all around. Men want respect and admiration and women want love and security. Although these are the desires of our heart people constantly put themselves in positions that will only yield the opposite. Women who want to be loved try to attract a man with looks and acting like she is holding it all together. When she gets a man he is looking at her body and not her soul. Men want a women who will find him to be a success so he buys her things and makes her feel special. She loves it and thinks "this is love" only to be dissapointed when the flowers stop coming and the compliments dwindle away. I see so much pain in relationships that don't focus on the one who created them. Being in a relationship without Jesus is like trying to put together something without a manuel. There are so many screws, nails and pieces that you dont even know where to bein to pick up the pieces. When you try something it doesnt fit, and you might even try to force the project into completion only to look at it and realize that it is unstable and not how the picture is suppose to look. This is exactly how God sees relationships that dont bring glory to him. They might try but their attempts end up in dissapointment and frustration. You might even want to take the bed, or in this case your partner back and exchange it. This is where frustration leads to wondering eyes and infedelity. You have you realize its not the bed's fault, its that you dont care to follow any directions to make it secure and a successful project. I believe that a lot of couples throw around the word love too casually. Love is not a phrase its an action, its a lifestyle. It's saying i Love you and nobody else. I love you enough to be vulnerable, i love you enough to put my pride aside, i love you enough to care what you think more than anyone else, i love you enough to want to make this stable, i love you enough to follow the manuel. I will say that there are a lot of relationships who dont have Jesus and still work. I believe that they might be happy but when though times comes the only person who gives us hope is God, not humans. Having the drive means changes in actions. I by no means am a perfect human being. I have many flaws, too many that i want to start working on all at once, but i do realize that in my brokenness jesus came to die for me. In my sinful nature Jesus saw who i could become and chose me. I wish that relationships would realize the gift God gave us by giving us a partner. Someone in life to be bestfriends with. To say nice words to and to fight with him to have a wonderful future. There is a point when you relaize that something needs to be done and its at this point where you see the stregth in your partner. Do they fight? Do they cope in disrespectful ways? Or do they run to you, pray with you and be an example of someone you want to lead. I think as we date and head towards marriage more people need to realize that when you love unconditionally God will bring you back together. I believe in his power above all else.