Save the pictures

As you go through life you take pictures of birthdays, special occasions, hollidays ect.. Pictures always represent a memory you don't want to forget. Overtime your collection builds and as you age they become a slideshow of your life journeys. You remember the laughs, the adventures, the love that shows in each photo. One thing i love about pictures is that they fail to represent the fight you might have gotten in right before you needed to "pose" or the cake you spilled all over your new shirt. Pictures tend to only show the good times and forget the bad.. I've been missing my family a lot in these past few days and as i have been looking through old photos they make me smile. I remember all the good times i've had in the past few years, and all the adventures i have gone through.
 I've moved across the country, fallen in love, experienced new cultures, traveled, and started a new career path..  they never show me being homesick, confused what to do or experiencing heartbreak. Although photos can only show one side of the story they put things is a good light and i like it that way. i wish that my mind could be more the a photobook; forget the bad and remember all the good times.
 As i remember my grandpa's passing a year ago i look through pictures of his life and he was so happy even till the last days. I saw him and my grandma's life together. I shows the excitment of having children, the adventure, the good times. Life goes by in a flash, young lives turn to old in just a flash. The pictures left out his pain from the cancer, the hard days and his struggles but i realized they showed what was important. He loved us so much and it showed, he was a great man, father, grandpa and i can keep those pictures and remember him whenever i want. I continue to take pictures becasue they are such a good reminder for me when things get tough that even in hard times there is still something to smile about..

Give me Faith

Recently I heard the song give me faith by elevation worship. It is a good song, in fact I can’t stop singing the lyrics in my head. I feel like my prayer is for God to soften my heart and take away the pain in my life. I have never felt more emotion coming out, and a feeling of desperately wanting God to just take away the deep piece of my soul that feels missing. I want to act on my own, and try to figure things out but God keeps tugging at my heart to go against what I want and embrace him. My choices have broken me down to the point of surrender, and no matter what im not going back to the old me. I want to trust that “God is good and his love is great.” Im so weak, my flesh wants instant comfort and help in time of sadness but God will never leave me even when I want to tell him MY plan is better. The brokenness of my heart comes flows out as tears, I want god to use this brokenness to show me more wisdom and closeness with him than ever before. I don’t understand why good people have to be hurt but I do know that my heart is forever different and without being stripped of everything I thought I needed I don’t think I would feel like this. Day by day im being humbled in knowing that I cant find my comfort in anybody except him. I am experiencing something I never have before which is true human loneliness. Seeing all my bestfriends get married and start a life with their husbands I so deeply wanted that myself. I tried to force my way without ever turning to God and asking what he thought. I need to realize that the dream of being married is a good one but only in God’s timing. For now I need to be the bride of Christ, pure and holy until I find the amazing man he intended. Not having that in anyone except God is the most challenging experience but I truly believe knowing that God is all you need will be a blessing in the end. I hope and pray with all my heart that I can become a women god is proud of. My flesh gets jealous, wants to control a situation and is impatient but that’s why when I am weak he is strong. When I cry he is there for me, when I am going through a hard time he will never run out on me. These reminders are what bring me back to repentance for all the times I have turned my back on him and lived my own way and I realize how much I want to honor and worship him with my life. I want him to give me the faith necessary for me to walk through the days that feel too hard to make it, I want him to give me perspective and wisdom that he will lead me out of the fire and show me the goodness that he promises. I was once told that I shouldn’t believe in fairy tales, but I do believe that God gives us the gift of the ultimate fairy tale “knight in shining armor” story! He saved us from a life of misery and brought us into freedom and eternal life! This is why I want to be forever different. It’s because of his grace and perfect mercy.

Never Say Never

I have realized through life nothing is certain. Happy moments wont always stay joyous and thankfully sadness also passes. Life is full of times that make you wonder how you are going to go on, where to go, and if you will ever see yourself smile again. Thankfully God knows what is going to happen and is there in our despair, taking these times to change, and enrich our lives if we let him. It's hard when things seem too hard but if not, healing cant begin. You can never say you will never find joy again or love someone with everything you have. It happens without you knowing it and soon enough you are in a new season of your life. In pain is the time where i write the best, its the time where i have the most clear thoughts of reflection. I think God uses pain for our good. If we were always happy it would be too easy to forget our need for his grace. When we go through something seemingly unbearable is when we realize how weak we are without him. I dont wish pain on anyone but i do wish encounters with Jesus on everyone. His love has shown me that no matter when the outcome of our current situation you can never say never. He knows the desires of our heart and works all things together for our good. Stepping out in faith is hard. It goes against our comfort, desires, and our heart often tells us not to.But when we do, he might just restore something thats been broken, help you pick the pieces up and put it back together into something more beautiful than before. If we trust he will always give us just enough stregth to stand what we are facing.

A little insight on relationships

Men and Women are different people all around. Men want respect and admiration and women want love and security. Although these are the desires of our heart people constantly put themselves in positions that will only yield the opposite. Women who want to be loved try to attract a man with looks and acting like she is holding it all together. When she gets a man he is looking at her body and not her soul. Men want a women who will find him to be a success so he buys her things and makes her feel special. She loves it and thinks "this is love" only to be dissapointed when the flowers stop coming and the compliments dwindle away. I see so much pain in relationships that don't focus on the one who created them. Being in a relationship without Jesus is like trying to put together something without a manuel. There are so many screws, nails and pieces that you dont even know where to bein to pick up the pieces. When you try something it doesnt fit, and you might even try to force the project into completion only to look at it and realize that it is unstable and not how the picture is suppose to look. This is exactly how God sees relationships that dont bring glory to him. They might try but their attempts end up in dissapointment and frustration. You might even want to take the bed, or in this case your partner back and exchange it. This is where frustration leads to wondering eyes and infedelity. You have you realize its not the bed's fault, its that you dont care to follow any directions to make it secure and a successful project. I believe that a lot of couples throw around the word love too casually. Love is not a phrase its an action, its a lifestyle. It's saying i Love you and nobody else. I love you enough to be vulnerable, i love you enough to put my pride aside, i love you enough to care what you think more than anyone else, i love you enough to want to make this stable, i love you enough to follow the manuel. I will say that there are a lot of relationships who dont have Jesus and still work. I believe that they might be happy but when though times comes the only person who gives us hope is God, not humans. Having the drive means changes in actions. I by no means am a perfect human being. I have many flaws, too many that i want to start working on all at once, but i do realize that in my brokenness jesus came to die for me. In my sinful nature Jesus saw who i could become and chose me. I wish that relationships would realize the gift God gave us by giving us a partner. Someone in life to be bestfriends with. To say nice words to and to fight with him to have a wonderful future. There is a point when you relaize that something needs to be done and its at this point where you see the stregth in your partner. Do they fight? Do they cope in disrespectful ways? Or do they run to you, pray with you and be an example of someone you want to lead. I think as we date and head towards marriage more people need to realize that when you love unconditionally God will bring you back together. I believe in his power above all else.

Whats the meaning

At a point of time in somebodys life they ask themselves what does this all mean. What does my life mean? Whether thats studying for a test,making some tough decisions or just living life we all face this question. In these times it helps to look around at the love and people we have to share our lives with and see that we make a difference to someone. But for some we aren't so lucky. Wheather its the wife whos husband travels, the mom whos kids graduated, or the college student just trying to make something of themselves we all get lonely and wonder, why?
Why did God think i would make a difference? Will I? What can i do to change this world. Lonliness gives you time to contemplate these things and although it wouldn't have been my choice im greatful for the silence. Sitting at home nightly studying, cooking, or watching old reruns alone in a new state, a new city and sharing my thoughts mostly with myself i see why people are so afraid to be alone. Its the qustions that come up when you dont have anyone to share it with, or the fear when you realize that even if you have someone they may be absent. Its the times when you feel the vulnerbility of why your important that you grow, change and if you want grasp for something bigger. Its the lonliness that propels me to want to succeed and change a life. Its hard and the erie silence can either make you sad that you dont have anyone to share it with or greatful for the time you have to think about yourseld for once and what you can do that will mean something.

A new love language

It has been 2 months since i posted my last blog and i cannot wait to start up again, So much life can happen in 60 days. School has started, the leaves are changing and i am well on my way to information overload due to anatomy and chemistry! With all the aside something struck my mind as a sat finishing a homework assignement tonight. Learning is diffucult. Especially when you add emotions into the mix. Learning a new comcept in school is challenging becasue there is a lot of new information you need to study. Concepts that you've never learned before and you want to absorb it mostly fore a good grade on the next exam. Although after the test is over you can realx and forget most of the information you tried so very hard to remember.
Learning a new language can also be very hard. You must absorb it, memorize it and train you tounge to talk in a different way. The only way to really get good at a new language is to practice daily. Most people can learn by simply being emmersed into a new culture and hearing is day after day. With language practice makes perfect. When you learn you might slip up and say something you didn't mean, language is a trial and error kinda thing until you becomemore comofrtable with the new sensations and until it practically becomes second nature.I enjoy talking a lot but learning a new language would drive me crazy becasue it would limit what i could say and i would stumble to find the meanings for things. Emotionally i feel like im learning a new language. Relationships are a crazy web of trial and error. Speaking in a language you learned from the world, from you parents or in the past just wont work. Love is the new language and heck...its hard.
Its easy to learn material becasue there is no emotions holding you back from letting you tung slip, say what you didn't mean and regret it later. Emotions play a part in making us so passionate and using the right language to express that is key in importance.

Learning you and your partners love language can drastically change the course of a somewhat broken relationship. When you learn the others way to speak you understand where they are coming from. Its hard becasue you must practice everyday and many times you will fail but the practice is what makes it love. Without failure and trying again thre would be no love. Its all about forgiving a slip, and understanding that learning new material isn't as easy as it seems.

The love language i learn in my relationship is so different than what you will need to learn for yours. But as soon as you get the hang of it, errors will become sparse. They will still happen but you will be able to talk fluently with passion just like you did in your own love language. Until you learn frustrations will fly and giving up might seem like an option. but persevere, becasue the knowledge,love and satisfaction that comes from learning how to communitcate is worth all the slip-ups in the beginning.

A special poem

Take my heart and hold it
Never let me go
Be my friend, my leader, the man I l love to know
Get to know me deeper, I’m more than what I seem
My body is just the outside my soul is really me
And when I really need you, be there by my side
Talk to me, hear me, and sympathize when I cry.
Love me for my inside and the way I make you laugh
Year s from now our bond is what will really last
Show me who you really are, don’t hold back from me
I will be the best woman I know how to be
The past is gone I see you for who you really are
It might sting or get insecure then pick fights when I’m sad
Be patient and know that most the time I’m not mad
I’m sensitive and take things wrong
But in that moment your love is what I long
The little fights aren’t worth it
Life’s too short for that
I’m sorry for my fears I’m sorry for my tears
I’m growing up to learn that time isn’t an endless gift
You must take time to stop and think
To must change the path your parents gave
We can stop that link
No yelling, leaving, or calling names
We’ll mess up, fight and even feel going away
But if you agree I’d love for us to work at it and stay
I’ll hold your heart and lead you; I’ll never let you go
Be your best friend and a woman you’d really like to know
I want to be the best team God will let us be
It’s time to stop the worry because I’m anxious to see
Lay with me and love me, show me I’m your girl
Let’s fall deeper in love; this love thing is quite a whirl.