Today i got the chance to watch my niece and nephew while my brother and his wife stole away a few hours to watch the civil war game. I love these kids, the stuff they say is the most pure hearted and witty things i've ever heard.T
he advantage living 20 minutes away is i have gotten the chance to watch them grow up. I was at the hospital when they were born, every birthday party and now watching them grow into little people in front of my own eyes!
As i begin to get in the moving mindset im realizing that these moments are precious because they will become scarce after my relocation. It breaks my heart to think about being away from them. Not hearing them laugh, ask every question in the world, and seeing their love for life and God grow.
People say that you don't understand what true love is until you have your own children. Until then i think im pretty much as close as i will get. Everything that seems to matter; a clean house, quiet time, a neat appearance all goes out the window and you begin to look at life differently. It's not about you anymore, its about this little person who is changing your life more than you realize. Seeing them makes me recognize how much capacity i have to love. I can't bear to think of coming home and seeing them grown up, i dont want them to forget me.
Although I do know that they have shown me a joy for life you often forget as you mature. They laugh, play and love without expecting anything in return, yet you can't help but want to give them all the love in the world. I can't believe how intense my love will be for my own children someday but i can only imagine what it will be like. I love these little people with my whole life, they are by far the most fun friends i will ever have.
Saturday, December 4, 2010
It's 12:40 and i still want to write..
It's 12:40 and im an exhausted so this will be a short one. My eyes are slightly starting to rebel and close on their own and not even the hot coca or the sugar from the frosting i ate earlier is helping me stay awake..
I volunteered today at the festival of trees in Portland. I used to do it each year with my mom but as time went by i found myself being more and more busy around this time of year. With my move date 5 days away i am beginning to try and fit as many holiday traditions in this short time span as possible.
Tonight we made dinner, hung the ornaments on the tree, and decorated the famous sugar cookie.After baking they expanded and looked more like globs of dough than actual Christmas figures. Everything has happened so fast and the overwhelming fact that will be calling Chicago home in less than two weeks makes my mind spin. I thank God for the emotions he gave us, but i also wonder how many someone can feel at one time.
I find myself feeling excited, scared, apprehensive, and nervous all at once. i dont know how to make sense of all of them, and sometimes i feel like im making this huge life change on a whim. Im ready to see where it takes me, hopefully somewhere amazing where i can fully find joy in my surroundings but it's all in the journey. As i wind down my last days living at home i know that this is it. I love my parents, they have done so much for me, but i know that from this point on everything will change. The emotions begin to come back again and again with each new thing i think about. The long awaited move is finally here, and it's time to focus on what the future holds for me. There's no looking back now..I can't wait.
I volunteered today at the festival of trees in Portland. I used to do it each year with my mom but as time went by i found myself being more and more busy around this time of year. With my move date 5 days away i am beginning to try and fit as many holiday traditions in this short time span as possible.
Tonight we made dinner, hung the ornaments on the tree, and decorated the famous sugar cookie.After baking they expanded and looked more like globs of dough than actual Christmas figures. Everything has happened so fast and the overwhelming fact that will be calling Chicago home in less than two weeks makes my mind spin. I thank God for the emotions he gave us, but i also wonder how many someone can feel at one time.
I find myself feeling excited, scared, apprehensive, and nervous all at once. i dont know how to make sense of all of them, and sometimes i feel like im making this huge life change on a whim. Im ready to see where it takes me, hopefully somewhere amazing where i can fully find joy in my surroundings but it's all in the journey. As i wind down my last days living at home i know that this is it. I love my parents, they have done so much for me, but i know that from this point on everything will change. The emotions begin to come back again and again with each new thing i think about. The long awaited move is finally here, and it's time to focus on what the future holds for me. There's no looking back now..I can't wait.
Monday, November 15, 2010
Callin it home
In less than 1 month i will be calling Chicago my hometown. Sadly enough this struck me as i was scrolling through Facebook as i saw "Gresham" Oregon as my place of residence. Soon enough i will change that to somewhere very new and foreign to me. The idea of a new start is exciting yet terrifying as i realize what that really means. It is going to take me out of the little orb i know as home and place me in a big city without the comforts of my family or friends.
This move is coming faster than even the stores put up holiday decor after thanksgiving! My mind is swirling with all the scary, exciting and new things that will be headed my way in the upcoming months. As the days count down till moving date on December 9th I want to keep focused on being in the moment. I want to be present in Gresham with everyone i love until that day comes. It's something i need to practice and i hope to carry this concept throughout my life.
I don't want to miss out on the here and now just because i am thinking about the future, and when the it comes i want to be glad i lived in the moment. Im deciding to give up on countdowns, because they don't allow you to be thankful for where you are in the present. It's time for me to love where im at, thank God he hasn't put me somewhere im not ready for, and be excited for where im headed. Im so incredibly nervous to call another place home but im learning that home is whatever you make it, not your zip code.
This move is coming faster than even the stores put up holiday decor after thanksgiving! My mind is swirling with all the scary, exciting and new things that will be headed my way in the upcoming months. As the days count down till moving date on December 9th I want to keep focused on being in the moment. I want to be present in Gresham with everyone i love until that day comes. It's something i need to practice and i hope to carry this concept throughout my life.
I don't want to miss out on the here and now just because i am thinking about the future, and when the it comes i want to be glad i lived in the moment. Im deciding to give up on countdowns, because they don't allow you to be thankful for where you are in the present. It's time for me to love where im at, thank God he hasn't put me somewhere im not ready for, and be excited for where im headed. Im so incredibly nervous to call another place home but im learning that home is whatever you make it, not your zip code.
Thursday, November 11, 2010
Inspiration
What inspires you? What makes you happy and fulfilled? These a major questions many of us take a lifetime to answer and will continue to be the source of what we put our time and effort into. This is a question that has been laid on my heart lately as i have faced a lot of discretion when attempting to answer it.
The answer i've found is that inspiration all stems from understanding what fulfills your heart in the deepest capacity. Although i don't act like it all the time for it it's the love that comes from God. Wordly things have proven to let me down far too many times and i have come to appreciate the unseen wonder of having a savior close by.
With this move coming in less than 1 month i am realizing the importance of relying on him alone to help guide me to my inspiration in love, job, and schooling. Granted beautiful scenery, a good run, a hug from someone i care about, all have their place in my life, with God together they formulate something to live for.
As i travel half way across the country i wonder if this is where god wants me? I feel like my answer comes from the inspiration and awe i have looking back on this past year and being able to thank him for all he has saved me from. He has guided me through many tough decisions and obstacles and for some reason a path is being laid out for me to move.
Whether it is my free will taking over or not he will teach me something regardless, and with trust will ultimately use it for my benefit. Im so grateful for where i am, the people i've met in Gresham and the people i have yet to meet in Chicago. My relationship, and the inspiration it's brought in my life so far.
Although new to this dating thing again i know i have been blessed with an amazing man who has integrity and treats me well. These things are from God and fulfill me in ways that worldly things can't. Im so happy to be writing again. this too brings me joy.
The answer i've found is that inspiration all stems from understanding what fulfills your heart in the deepest capacity. Although i don't act like it all the time for it it's the love that comes from God. Wordly things have proven to let me down far too many times and i have come to appreciate the unseen wonder of having a savior close by.
With this move coming in less than 1 month i am realizing the importance of relying on him alone to help guide me to my inspiration in love, job, and schooling. Granted beautiful scenery, a good run, a hug from someone i care about, all have their place in my life, with God together they formulate something to live for.
As i travel half way across the country i wonder if this is where god wants me? I feel like my answer comes from the inspiration and awe i have looking back on this past year and being able to thank him for all he has saved me from. He has guided me through many tough decisions and obstacles and for some reason a path is being laid out for me to move.
Whether it is my free will taking over or not he will teach me something regardless, and with trust will ultimately use it for my benefit. Im so grateful for where i am, the people i've met in Gresham and the people i have yet to meet in Chicago. My relationship, and the inspiration it's brought in my life so far.
Although new to this dating thing again i know i have been blessed with an amazing man who has integrity and treats me well. These things are from God and fulfill me in ways that worldly things can't. Im so happy to be writing again. this too brings me joy.
Sunday, November 7, 2010
Life moves fast and im moving too
It's been awhile since i have gotten a chance to write down some of my thoughts and i have missed sharing my life with you all.
All of a sudden time seems to be moving at a rapid pace without any sign of slowing down. I am finishing up my fall term ar Mt. Hood community college, my family sold our house i have lived in for the past 17 years, i got a new job and oh yeah...im moving 2100 miles away!!!! I haven't wanted to tell this to anyone since this past year has been a series of let-downs and rerouting of my plans and priorities. I have a tendency to get an idea in my head and go for it until i achieve the desired result. The problem with this is i forget to take the time to ask God what his plans are and often learn my lesson the hard way.
There is a new adventure i believe God is leading me on right now and this one is much bigger than i thought i could handle. Sometimes he stretches us in capacities we didn't think we could do on our own. This venture is leading me to transfer colleges in the wintertime. In my search for where to go a school a school in the midwest caught my eye. It had exactly what i want to major in and in such a big city the opportunities seem more available than Gresham. This excites me but there are many obstacles and unanswered questions that i still have to figure out. The school is called Depaul and it's a smaller private school located in the heart of downtown Chicago. It has a program for P.R and advertising that focussed on the communications aspect instead of the business part of it. This is the first place i have found a school with everything i wanted but the expense of this "perfect" school still seems to be the thing standing in my way.
In hopes to save some money i am going to be transferring to a community college close by the city to save money and acquire residency before switching to Deapaul. As I write this im realizing that my move date is less than a month from today! It is all coming so fast. A job, living situation and classes all need to fall into their perspective spots and im praying that it will all work itself out in one way or another. Im both excited and extremely nervous to make this new jump in my life and trying to trust that i will be strong enough to make it on my own. I want to believe that i can meet amazing people to enrich my life in Chicago just as i have in Oregon. I am going to miss everyone so much but i ask that as i journey out into the big city you keep my travels and experiences in your prayers. Thank you for helping shape me into the person i am, i will miss my friends and family more than you know.
All of a sudden time seems to be moving at a rapid pace without any sign of slowing down. I am finishing up my fall term ar Mt. Hood community college, my family sold our house i have lived in for the past 17 years, i got a new job and oh yeah...im moving 2100 miles away!!!! I haven't wanted to tell this to anyone since this past year has been a series of let-downs and rerouting of my plans and priorities. I have a tendency to get an idea in my head and go for it until i achieve the desired result. The problem with this is i forget to take the time to ask God what his plans are and often learn my lesson the hard way.
There is a new adventure i believe God is leading me on right now and this one is much bigger than i thought i could handle. Sometimes he stretches us in capacities we didn't think we could do on our own. This venture is leading me to transfer colleges in the wintertime. In my search for where to go a school a school in the midwest caught my eye. It had exactly what i want to major in and in such a big city the opportunities seem more available than Gresham. This excites me but there are many obstacles and unanswered questions that i still have to figure out. The school is called Depaul and it's a smaller private school located in the heart of downtown Chicago. It has a program for P.R and advertising that focussed on the communications aspect instead of the business part of it. This is the first place i have found a school with everything i wanted but the expense of this "perfect" school still seems to be the thing standing in my way.
In hopes to save some money i am going to be transferring to a community college close by the city to save money and acquire residency before switching to Deapaul. As I write this im realizing that my move date is less than a month from today! It is all coming so fast. A job, living situation and classes all need to fall into their perspective spots and im praying that it will all work itself out in one way or another. Im both excited and extremely nervous to make this new jump in my life and trying to trust that i will be strong enough to make it on my own. I want to believe that i can meet amazing people to enrich my life in Chicago just as i have in Oregon. I am going to miss everyone so much but i ask that as i journey out into the big city you keep my travels and experiences in your prayers. Thank you for helping shape me into the person i am, i will miss my friends and family more than you know.
Friday, October 15, 2010
He is good, so good
Knowing that someone has your best interest in mind allows you to find peace in the midst of chaos.
I find comfort in knowing that God is so good to me even when i cannot find peace within my own understanding. I am going through a lot of changes that all leave me wondering what will happen in the near future. A lot could change at this point and although my heart knows what I want, I cannot forget to ask God what is best. I am tired of trying to figure out my future alone.
I wish I could know what was going to happen, but I believe the adventure is in the journey you take to get there. I want to remember I cannot speed life ahead just to reach the eventual point I want. Instead I must take things daily knowing that small changes will move me in the direction I want to go. I am working on being open to whatever plan God has for me.
When I try and take control it only leads to resentment when he closes a door on my dream. The only thing that keeps me going in these situations is to know that he is good, sooo good to me. He will never leave me and always knows what I truly need. Although I can plan exactly what I want with school, relationships, and timing I know that he can see the whole picture.
Patience is something I am continually learning and it is shaping me into a better person. It's not easy, and definitely not something I would choose for myself, but it is what I need. Sometimes what you need and what you thought you needed are completely different.
Yet those things you didn't know you needed are always the people, situations, and choices that change your life.
I find comfort in knowing that God is so good to me even when i cannot find peace within my own understanding. I am going through a lot of changes that all leave me wondering what will happen in the near future. A lot could change at this point and although my heart knows what I want, I cannot forget to ask God what is best. I am tired of trying to figure out my future alone.
I wish I could know what was going to happen, but I believe the adventure is in the journey you take to get there. I want to remember I cannot speed life ahead just to reach the eventual point I want. Instead I must take things daily knowing that small changes will move me in the direction I want to go. I am working on being open to whatever plan God has for me.
When I try and take control it only leads to resentment when he closes a door on my dream. The only thing that keeps me going in these situations is to know that he is good, sooo good to me. He will never leave me and always knows what I truly need. Although I can plan exactly what I want with school, relationships, and timing I know that he can see the whole picture.
Patience is something I am continually learning and it is shaping me into a better person. It's not easy, and definitely not something I would choose for myself, but it is what I need. Sometimes what you need and what you thought you needed are completely different.
Yet those things you didn't know you needed are always the people, situations, and choices that change your life.
Monday, October 4, 2010
Anxiety is the absence of faith
I have always struggled with anxiety. I used to say that i suffered from it but i have come to realize that it is more of a faith based problem than anything else. When you struggle with anxiety you are really lacking in belief that God has your best interest in mind. You feel like by some human power you'll be able to influence your situations and make yourself feel more in control. God calls us to give up our control and rely on him to provide for our every need. Although i have been raised with this mindset my humanly efforts often times take over and I try to plan each and every step.
There is such freedom that comes from giving your control to someone who loves you more than you could ever imagine. He will not lead you down the wrong path and will always know what is in your best interest. When you try and control things you may not understand that what is best is not what you would have thought. I am looking at colleges to transfer to and I would like to go somewhere that im comfortable. Although this is my desire i feel like God is taking me other places. This requires me to give up my own wants and lay them down to him no matter where that is, he will be faithful.
There is such freedom that comes from giving your control to someone who loves you more than you could ever imagine. He will not lead you down the wrong path and will always know what is in your best interest. When you try and control things you may not understand that what is best is not what you would have thought. I am looking at colleges to transfer to and I would like to go somewhere that im comfortable. Although this is my desire i feel like God is taking me other places. This requires me to give up my own wants and lay them down to him no matter where that is, he will be faithful.
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